I was in a texting disagreement this week and was incredibly proud of my sassy, clever messages. I honestly didn’t think I still had my high school sass still in me. As I gloated to my mom about how I was able to be an excellent wordsmith with my short and spicy texts, I heard my voice replay back to me and felt suddenly a bit sick to my stomach. Suddenly the pride from crafting one of the most clever, sarcastic texts of our time transformed into a pang of harsh guilt that I had let go of the grace I’ve found in my life since high school. We all have those moments, don’t we? We get caught up in how much someone has hurt us, that we completely disregard all of the life lessons we have learned that molded us into adults. It’s hard to reason with ourselves when we are hurt, especially when we are communicating with the one that hurt us.
What real emotion was in play behind these witty messages? → Heartbroken. This person shattered my heart when it was already cracked from a multitude of hard-hitting disappointments that came through this year. They basically took a hammer to a heart that was already fragile, and my immediate response was to regress to my high school dramatic self that was the queen of comebacks.
The world breaks our hearts sometimes on a daily basis. Friends pass away, we don’t get the promotion we wanted, you fight with your sister, your significant other decides they aren’t in love with you anymore. It’s a cycle, isn’t it? Hurt people (angry sister, upset significant other), hurt people (us) and then we, in exchange, hurt more people.
It’s easy for our confidence and belief in our world to crumble under the destruction of people who get high off of tearing us apart. If we stay around these toxic people long enough, we can start believing their words that only stunt our growth and provide us with a false perception of the world.
While I am still struggling with abstaining from sending some quite clever text messages, I have found a few ways to help navigate life when the world breaks my heart:
Help The Person Who Hurt You
This is by far the hardest thing to do when you are hurt, especially by said person. After all, you would most likely like nothing more than for them to feel the same pain that they made you feel. Then you get even more frustrated when they seem to just be smiling and enjoying life after they attempted to destroy yours.
However, there is a 99 percent chance that their ‘smile’ is a facade for what is really going on that would drive them to hurt someone else. Take some time to calm down and understand that most likely why they hurt you has something more to do with what they are struggling with, than with something you did. Try to talk to them, saying that their behavior isn’t normal, and ask if there is something that you could help them out with. See if you can get to the bottom of what is driving their negative behavior, and maybe you can stop the chain of hurt people hurting people!**
**This is not for all situations. If the person harmed you in any way, it’s best to walk away and get to a safer environment.
Convert Your Pain To Positive Action
Commit to an act of kindness a day, expecting nothing in return. This will help distract you from your pain while also introducing you to new positive opportunities to relate to others. Contact someone on Facebook you haven’t spoken to in a while, call someone that you know is hurting, buy the person’s meal behind you in the drive-thru. Find ways to be a light in the world so you break the cycle of darkness.
Make An Independent Decision
Oftentimes when we are hurt by another person we feel out of control. Some of us try to sink to their level and one-up their meanness in order to take back control → don’t do that. You will only feel shittier afterward. Take the high road and make a decision in your life to reassure yourself that you are, indeed, in control. I’m not talking about a huge decision like moving away, as you should never make big decisions when you are upset. I’m talking about a small decision that will positively impact your day. Some examples are deciding to forgive the person who hurt you, devoting 30 minutes a day to reading a book you’ve been leaving on the shelf, pampering yourself with a spa day, taking a day off of work just to reset, etc.
Prayer is one of our strongest weapons against evil on earth. It’s an incredible way to connect to God and redirect your energy towards what is right for your life. Devote time each day to talking to God about why what this person did hurt you, asking God to help you heal through it, and asking God for what you want in your future world. Here’s an example prayer for when life gets tough:
I trust your decision. I trust that you know every detail of my life and you can see ahead to the person I become. I trust that what is going on right now is molding me into the person that you need me to be. Please help me to heal from this situation and allow me to be a vessel of your love to whoever needs it right now. Help me to look for opportunities in my daily life to serve you. I really want (fill in the blank) in my future. Please help me make decisions working towards that if it is also what you wish for my life. Thank you.
In Jesus’ Name,
Trust The Journey
I watched an amazing sermon entitled “Waiting” this week. I intentionally watched it because I am in a place where I feel as though I am waiting for something, preparing for my next season. Often times when we are in a season of waiting and are enduring pain from different disappointments, we get discouraged and think that we are ‘wasting time’. This is the furthest from the truth. This sermon spoke to the fact that oftentimes we grow the most during seasons of disappointment and waiting. Those moments build our character and prepare us for what is to come. We have to trust the journey and understand that every ounce of waiting, no matter how mundane, is preparing us for a greater thing in life.
The sermon also mentioned that we can’t just sit back and ‘wait’ when we are discouraged. We must ‘actively’ wait by pursuing things that we are passionate about.’
I highly recommend watching the sermon I am referencing here → Waiting .
People can go on, even with broken hearts. They do it every day. In fact, some of the most beautiful, glorious seasons of life are waiting for us just beyond the season of waiting. You can’t control if your heart gets broken, but you can control how you react to it and break the chain of hurt people hurting people. If your heart is broken right now, try some of the steps above and show the world that there are rainbows after rain.
– Marji J. Sherman