It dangled all of the mothers in your life in front of you as I felt the emptiness of where a womb used to be inside of my thirty-one year old body, as I heard a Latino family celebrating generations of mothers on a gorgeous May afternoon outside of my open living room window all day, stuck with only our lonely rescue dog.
It hid my salty tears that streamed down my blush red face and into the crack between my painted red lips, as you abruptly started a new conversation about a new hire needed at work.
It masked the warmth of my bony hands as they tried so hard to transfer heat to your cold clenched fists.
It effortlessly squeezed your CVS lime green earplugs into your ears as I played that acoustic love song for you that described the exact family I want with you some day, leaving it to fall on deaf ears.
It took your finger off of the “Purchase” button when you had an opportunity to fly to Buffalo to meet my entire family before you were thinking about proposing that one summer.
It let my blood rush to the fingertips of my hot pink manicured nails as my hand fell limply as you failed to embrace it from across the car.
It tricked you into forgetting about that text with a photo of my approved adoption papers from that doctor’s appointment you missed.
It spread magic dust over furniture that needed to be put together for our new apartment, forcing you discard the new dress I was wearing and reservations I had made at Lovers’ Point on the beach.
It blocked my childish excitement to map out our future together as easily as you block a contact on an iPhone.
It muted “I love you”s and “How are you, babe”s every time I passed you as you focused on the next weekend project and refused to look up from the latest blueprint sent over from the office.
It lured you into late nights working on the futon in the living room, leaving me to fall asleep alone in the fetal position on pineapple sheets, one arm reaching for a ghost (or an opened gold Chromebook) on the other side of the bed.
I was handed the state I wanted, the job I wanted, the love I wanted, but a superpower I never wanted, especially with you…
being completely, utterly invisible.